Stages of Pain After a Breakup !

After a breakup, people go through different stages of pain. In this blog, we’ll explain what the stages of pain after are, and what they’re like.

If you feel like it is taking a little longer than expected to get over a loss, don’t worry. Everyone goes through these stages at different times. Sometimes, one might even repeat a stage that they've already gone through.

Stage 1: Shock

This is the first stage of the pain. In this stage, the person can’t believe they had a breakup. It’s hard for them to be conscious of the breakup, and see what their new situation is.

Emotionally, during this stage, there’s a lack of reaction. The person acts as nothing had happened; life is as usual.

Stage 2: Denial

The second stage of pain after a breakup is denial. Here, the person is aware of the situation, but they don’t want to accept it. They refuse to accept that the relationship is over and instead fantasize about being in it again. One typical example of this stage is entertaining the idea that the breakup might have been a mistake or a rash decision. They try to focus on finding ways to solve the problems and scoop up the relationship.

This stage gives you time to “digest” the loss, slowly, you become aware of the changes that have already happened, and will happen. The denial stage is seen in people who’ve been “left.” What’s happens is, the one who decided to break things off has already had time to process things and make a decision. So, they have already worked through the new situation and aren’t in denial.

Stage 3: Sadness and Loneliness

At this stage, the person starts to see the changes that have happened and that will keep changing, like the fact that the other person might not call you back even though you have called them several times. This is when one starts feeling lonely and fear sets in that you will be lonely forever.

They start to try to adjust to, accept and experience these changes. And that’s what leads to sadness. It kicks in after the shock wears off and is often accompanied by a negative view towards themselves, their future, and the world.

Sadness is an essential emotion for you to truly accept the loss. And it helps you process everything that has happened and start to overcome the pain little by little.

Stage 4: Self-Blame

This is one of the most typical stages after a breakup. Along with the pain of a breakup, this is one of the most notorious and complex stages we face.

Self-Blame makes you fixate over what you could have said or done differently that would’ve saved the relationship. Brooding thinking about what caused the breakup can wear out the person psychologically and create anxiety. Taking 100% of the blame for a breakup is counterproductive and unfair. Couples are a team made up of two people, and the responsibility for a breakup is always shared. Try to perceive it as shared accountability and direct your mind towards the future.

During or after the self-blaming you may try to bring them back to your life. You may feel obsessed with their social media. You may be willing to do anything to get back together, you may feel compelled to contact them and convince them to come back to you. Unfortunately, this may not be such a good idea.

Stage 5: Anger

Once you stop blaming yourself for everything that went wrong you start to feel angry and feel the need to blame the other person. You start to remember all the things you have done for them and they seem to be so ungrateful. You may start thinking “no one will love them the way you did”, or “good luck finding someone who will do what I did” etc.

In the healing process, anger can prove to be a healthy stage. Use your anger to improve your state, try to think more about yourself, and take better care of yourself. But…be careful! Don’t get stuck in this stage. If you do, the same rage that sheltered you will turn against you.

Stage 6: Acceptance

Acceptance comes once you have experienced and used anger appropriately. The emotions in this stage aren’t completely positive or enjoyable. They’re emotions that help you see what happened as part of the story of your life. It comes with all its ups and downs.

In this stage, you can try to come to terms with everything that has happened and try to focus on the future.

Gradually you don’t feel less and less insecure, and start to look at the future with new eyes.